Why do I feel this way?

Every time I go to school I get into this alternate state of mind.I get this huge amount of anxiety and I get really uncomfortable but I can't show it.I just get very quiet and I don't show any emotion.It's like being tortured while being shackled emotionally..I need to be bullied often and brutally for me to rat on anyone or say anything back.I hate going to school.When I feel anger,hate, or envy I stab myself with a pencil because no one cares.When I feel I Absolutely must leave or get very disappointed I cry but everyone else just wants me to stay locked up.When get great anxiety I will get physical symptoms and I will ask to go and when I go, the nurse could not give a ****.I don't want any drugs.I want to know what's wrong with me so the world may have mercy on my poor.